I remember in my last English class, we studied plot. Plot and characters. It interested me a lot. And today, I'm reminded about 'dilemmas'. Here's a rough definition that my professor gave us for that word (the parts that I can remember): The protagonist is forced to make a decision between two choices, neither of them desirable. Yeah...I'm in a dilemma.
Two choices lie before me. Both of them, if I could do each, would make me happy. But life is hardly that simple. I have to choose one thing to do. And in return, I'll feel guilty about the other choice.
You see, I made plans. Plans that are at least a month old. But a train derailed (figuratively speaking) and now I'm in a mess. It couldn't be helped though, nothing could have stopped this from happening.
But...I have two great friends who in end helped my decision. One of them had me think of each thing and I actually cried over one. He told me, quite plainly, "I think you've already made your decision." And my other friend, God bless her, told me that everyone would understand and that it was fine; I just needed to make the decision for myself. Better said than done, my dear.
But I did it. Made my decision. I feel bad, but it also feels like a weight has been lifted...kind of.
I just might cry over not being able to see my friends. But really, it's for a different reason than that. I don't want her to be mad or frustrated at me. When will this fear go away...?
*~[Endlessly]~*
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
Universe Jump
First thing is first! I wrote four reviews in my tumblr blog and if you'd like to check them out, feel free to do so! They are books reviews over, The Short Second Life Of Bree Tanner, wtf, The Time Machine, and The Invisible Man. Click on the link below:
BOOK REVIEWS
And now back to what this post is dedicated to...
For me, when it comes to reading and assigning roles to characters...my Character Bin is pretty limited. You see, after I started watching anime, I began to see them much more clearly in my imaginations eye than just...making up real life characters myself. I take character's from animes and place them into books now; making them character books. It's the only way that I read now and believe me when I say it can get a little messy. There are a good five or seven characters that I use over and over again...and for the most, it's alright. I usually try to switch around the main characters to be different anime characters.
Let me try to explain. If anyone has ever watched FullMetal Alchemist, then they know who Edward Elric is. Edward Elric is a character who is often the male protagonist of many books that I read. But it's difficult to keep picturing him, and only him, as the only protagonist of each and every different story. Anyone know of Fruits Basket or Spiral? Kyo Sohma or Ayumu Narumi? They are my other males that I use often if I feel like Edward has been used too much (confusing, I know x.x).
But it's just how I read. I can no longer picture real, living people. I don't know exactly when this began...but I do know that when it did, my interest in reading skyrocketed. So...it can't be a bad thing all in all. And I figured out recently that I am NOT the only person who does it.
I'm always careful when I read books, though. And usually, when I finish one, I don't start another till the next day. I always give myself time to think about what I've just read. Ponder over it. Cry over it. Or laugh over it. It's just another thing that I've always done. If I try starting a book that same day, I always feel like I'm cheating the previous novel of it's magnificence. I feel like I'm already gutting it out of my system, smoothing over the soil, and planting something new before giving the previous seeds any time to blossom. It's sort of a rule of mine to give myself the rest of the day to just not read. And even if I finish the book late at night, the whole next day I won't read anything new either. It makes my life a little simpler. And more thoughtful, it seems.
After reading H. G. Wells books and diving headlong into a modern book, it's rather hard to grasp the cultural change. I go from the 1800s in England to the new millennium of New York (I think), and it's quite different. I still love the book that I'm reading now, but you know.
Reading is sort of my life these days. Nothing wrong with that. Nothing that I can see at least. I don't let them affect me in the long run unless it's a good affect. Like listening more intently or loving everyone you meet...I'll pay attention to those things but not the destructive characteristics. Instead of embracing those, I ponder them. Break them down and try to understand them. I'll tell you, the only reason I ever read Stephen King's The Shining was because I wanted to see how the dad went crazy. I wanted to understand his insanity. And at the end of that novel, I did. I understood it all. I can't say that I blame him, either. But I do think he had more power within him to stop. But a character already proclaimed in text and print can hardly change once the end has been met. There is only acceptance.
I sometimes fear creating my own book. My characters come alive often and I always have to wonder what they plan. I put my trust in them though. And if they cease to exist at a certain page...I guess I won't be able to change that, will I? I'll let them do as they please (for the most part), and interject when it feels necessary.
I feel like I've typed enough for today.
*~[Endlessly]~*
BOOK REVIEWS
And now back to what this post is dedicated to...
For me, when it comes to reading and assigning roles to characters...my Character Bin is pretty limited. You see, after I started watching anime, I began to see them much more clearly in my imaginations eye than just...making up real life characters myself. I take character's from animes and place them into books now; making them character books. It's the only way that I read now and believe me when I say it can get a little messy. There are a good five or seven characters that I use over and over again...and for the most, it's alright. I usually try to switch around the main characters to be different anime characters.
Let me try to explain. If anyone has ever watched FullMetal Alchemist, then they know who Edward Elric is. Edward Elric is a character who is often the male protagonist of many books that I read. But it's difficult to keep picturing him, and only him, as the only protagonist of each and every different story. Anyone know of Fruits Basket or Spiral? Kyo Sohma or Ayumu Narumi? They are my other males that I use often if I feel like Edward has been used too much (confusing, I know x.x).
But it's just how I read. I can no longer picture real, living people. I don't know exactly when this began...but I do know that when it did, my interest in reading skyrocketed. So...it can't be a bad thing all in all. And I figured out recently that I am NOT the only person who does it.
I'm always careful when I read books, though. And usually, when I finish one, I don't start another till the next day. I always give myself time to think about what I've just read. Ponder over it. Cry over it. Or laugh over it. It's just another thing that I've always done. If I try starting a book that same day, I always feel like I'm cheating the previous novel of it's magnificence. I feel like I'm already gutting it out of my system, smoothing over the soil, and planting something new before giving the previous seeds any time to blossom. It's sort of a rule of mine to give myself the rest of the day to just not read. And even if I finish the book late at night, the whole next day I won't read anything new either. It makes my life a little simpler. And more thoughtful, it seems.
After reading H. G. Wells books and diving headlong into a modern book, it's rather hard to grasp the cultural change. I go from the 1800s in England to the new millennium of New York (I think), and it's quite different. I still love the book that I'm reading now, but you know.
Reading is sort of my life these days. Nothing wrong with that. Nothing that I can see at least. I don't let them affect me in the long run unless it's a good affect. Like listening more intently or loving everyone you meet...I'll pay attention to those things but not the destructive characteristics. Instead of embracing those, I ponder them. Break them down and try to understand them. I'll tell you, the only reason I ever read Stephen King's The Shining was because I wanted to see how the dad went crazy. I wanted to understand his insanity. And at the end of that novel, I did. I understood it all. I can't say that I blame him, either. But I do think he had more power within him to stop. But a character already proclaimed in text and print can hardly change once the end has been met. There is only acceptance.
I sometimes fear creating my own book. My characters come alive often and I always have to wonder what they plan. I put my trust in them though. And if they cease to exist at a certain page...I guess I won't be able to change that, will I? I'll let them do as they please (for the most part), and interject when it feels necessary.
I feel like I've typed enough for today.
*~[Endlessly]~*
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Character...
I think a lot of writers have this problem (at least I hope...I don't want to be the crazy one right now): their characters start talking to them and telling them their story. It's like the writer isn't the one creating it, but the character is. The character just goes on and on about what's happened, what's happening, how things have or will turn out, etc.
I love it when my character does that, honestly. He certainly has a lot of interesting things to say and I'm all ears to listen. I even get to write some of it down. But...this is another problem that I have. When I get to a certain point...he just stops. He doesn't say anymore and he makes known the intention that he won't say more for a while.
Before (this sounds crazy) he was begging me to write his story and I complied very graciously...and now he won't even tell me what the hell is going on >D It's irritating! I want to write more of his stuff because it's so interesting!
I know he'll start talking soon, though. I guess if I take a better look at who he is, then it makes sense. He's an open book to few and he needs to collect himself often to get the words right. You should see him when he tries to tell his twin that he loves him...it's rather cute x3 He can't quite get the words out and he gets angry at himself AND his twin and he says "I love you" in anger and usu sally adds an awful nickname for his brother at the end of it xD Then he's all flushed and embarrassed and tries to make a quick escape...
I love him =D all of them actually. All of the characters. A few speak louder than others of course but I'm perfectly fine with that. They all find their voice at some point and I always learn so much from them when they do. It's fascinating and lovely.
I just hope I can prod THIS character into talking again...he can't leave everything the way they are. That's too cruel.
*~[Endlessly]~*
I love it when my character does that, honestly. He certainly has a lot of interesting things to say and I'm all ears to listen. I even get to write some of it down. But...this is another problem that I have. When I get to a certain point...he just stops. He doesn't say anymore and he makes known the intention that he won't say more for a while.
Before (this sounds crazy) he was begging me to write his story and I complied very graciously...and now he won't even tell me what the hell is going on >D It's irritating! I want to write more of his stuff because it's so interesting!
I know he'll start talking soon, though. I guess if I take a better look at who he is, then it makes sense. He's an open book to few and he needs to collect himself often to get the words right. You should see him when he tries to tell his twin that he loves him...it's rather cute x3 He can't quite get the words out and he gets angry at himself AND his twin and he says "I love you" in anger and usu sally adds an awful nickname for his brother at the end of it xD Then he's all flushed and embarrassed and tries to make a quick escape...
I love him =D all of them actually. All of the characters. A few speak louder than others of course but I'm perfectly fine with that. They all find their voice at some point and I always learn so much from them when they do. It's fascinating and lovely.
I just hope I can prod THIS character into talking again...he can't leave everything the way they are. That's too cruel.
*~[Endlessly]~*
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
Recollection
After a slight sad day, a smooth plane ride home, an amazing e-mail, seeing my father and animals after four days, I sit here with my laptop and a burning back and a calmer mind than before.
I've been in Chicago since Thursday and just got home today...and I'm actually glad to be home. Home is amazing. A sanctuary. A..."safe haven" if I dare to say the words Gard thought in his last moments.
Anyways, I had an amazing time while there. And the whole reason why we were there was for my cousin's graduation =) I am sooo proud of her! I practically grew up with her and as I watched all of the seniors step out onto the football field...I got all teary-eyed!
Let's take a step back.
We were worried from the moment me and my mother arrived in Chicago if we were even going to be able to attend the graduation. The graduation was supposed to be held outside, but there were clouds in the forecast, along with rain. If it was to rain, the graduation was to be held inside and only five guests per graduate were allowed to attend. I think I would have been invited to be one of those five...but who knows. We struggled with that and prayed for clear skies.
About the second day I was there, my cousin Salina took my graduate cousin to the DMV to get her license!!! Poor thing was so scared! But guess what? She did WONDERFUL! She has her license now and she can drive around legally! She's so excited! And she even told me, "Every time you come and visit, good things happen! You're good luck!" That made me feel special ^.^
The day before the graduation my cousin (let's call her by her real name, Nikki) had her graduation party. She invited about eleven of her friends and the rest of the people were family. Well...if my memory serves me right, only four of her friends showed up. I talked to her about that a little later and she said that it hurt her a lot that most of them didn't go. I can certainly tell she's growing up cause she said "I guess that shows who my true friends are..." The pain in her expression was very real...and I found myself wanting to kick her friend's asses! But...she's very right. I told her that when all that high school business is over with, only your real friends are going to stay close when everything is over with.
Besides the lack of friends, the party was amazing! There was so much family and I was able to meet and greet with a lot of them =D The food looked good...all of that pizza, pasta, and bread sticks...but I couldn't eat any. Not with my Celiac Disease. Instead, I was stuck with salad and their weird dressing xD At least I got to eat!
We went home after the party and Nikki wanted me to join her as she opened up all of her cards and gifts. Wow...this girl got so much money, it is ridiculous! But I am so proud of her! She deserves every bit of it!
The next day was graduation day and we saw a whole lot of sun! We all dressed quickly and headed out early so we could get Nikki there on time and so we could get great seats...and great seats we got!
The sun was hot at our backs, but there was plenty of cloud cover and wind. When it got time to give out diplomas, we couldn't find Nikki until she got in line. And when they said her name...we all screamed our loudest! I even clapped...and when we finished screaming for her, I found I was alone in my clapping XD Well...that was the shortest graduation I have ever been to! The speeches were super short and they were quick to call out the names. When it was all done, I was amazed and so excited for Nikki! But man..God sure was with us that day. The cloud cover had started to get worse during the graduation and we could see rain far off. And no kidding, ten minutes after the ceremony was over, it started raining!!! I've never seen so many people run for their cars! It was rather hilarious but I was running too so I could keep up with my mom x3 In the end, it was great! And I have a severe sunburn on my back from that day! It hurts real bad, but Miss Aloe Vera can take care of that ;D
On this trip, I feel like I've definitely gotten closer to Nikki. Not only to Nikki, but to everyone else. Rob actually held good conversations with me o.o and he taught me how to shoot some basketballs! It worked for a while...but not so much XD I had a little convo with Jordan. He is SUCH a sweet boy! So sweet and polite. He has a wonderful, kind heart and I enjoy his company very much. I got to talk to Michael and discuss some important topics. I liked that. He's a really sweet guy too and I hope he gets to come down here for the summer next month. And D'Angelo will always be the cutest little boy in the world!
When we left Nikki's house yesterday, I almost cried in the car. I hate leaving...so much. I love everyone there so much! I wish I could see them all more... But hey, as a little surprise, Nikki and her mother stopped by suddenly at Rob's house (where we were staying for the night) and I got to hang out with Nikki for a little while longer...I loved it. I love them.
And now I'm back to the beginning of where this long post started. It seems the beginning is an end. And I'm perfectly fine with that. I was going to watch Pathfinder tonight, but I might hold off on that. I'm tired...another day and another time, for sure.
Dear Chicago,
I love the people that you hold.
*~[Endlessly]~*
I've been in Chicago since Thursday and just got home today...and I'm actually glad to be home. Home is amazing. A sanctuary. A..."safe haven" if I dare to say the words Gard thought in his last moments.
Anyways, I had an amazing time while there. And the whole reason why we were there was for my cousin's graduation =) I am sooo proud of her! I practically grew up with her and as I watched all of the seniors step out onto the football field...I got all teary-eyed!
Let's take a step back.
We were worried from the moment me and my mother arrived in Chicago if we were even going to be able to attend the graduation. The graduation was supposed to be held outside, but there were clouds in the forecast, along with rain. If it was to rain, the graduation was to be held inside and only five guests per graduate were allowed to attend. I think I would have been invited to be one of those five...but who knows. We struggled with that and prayed for clear skies.
About the second day I was there, my cousin Salina took my graduate cousin to the DMV to get her license!!! Poor thing was so scared! But guess what? She did WONDERFUL! She has her license now and she can drive around legally! She's so excited! And she even told me, "Every time you come and visit, good things happen! You're good luck!" That made me feel special ^.^
The day before the graduation my cousin (let's call her by her real name, Nikki) had her graduation party. She invited about eleven of her friends and the rest of the people were family. Well...if my memory serves me right, only four of her friends showed up. I talked to her about that a little later and she said that it hurt her a lot that most of them didn't go. I can certainly tell she's growing up cause she said "I guess that shows who my true friends are..." The pain in her expression was very real...and I found myself wanting to kick her friend's asses! But...she's very right. I told her that when all that high school business is over with, only your real friends are going to stay close when everything is over with.
Besides the lack of friends, the party was amazing! There was so much family and I was able to meet and greet with a lot of them =D The food looked good...all of that pizza, pasta, and bread sticks...but I couldn't eat any. Not with my Celiac Disease. Instead, I was stuck with salad and their weird dressing xD At least I got to eat!
We went home after the party and Nikki wanted me to join her as she opened up all of her cards and gifts. Wow...this girl got so much money, it is ridiculous! But I am so proud of her! She deserves every bit of it!
The next day was graduation day and we saw a whole lot of sun! We all dressed quickly and headed out early so we could get Nikki there on time and so we could get great seats...and great seats we got!
The sun was hot at our backs, but there was plenty of cloud cover and wind. When it got time to give out diplomas, we couldn't find Nikki until she got in line. And when they said her name...we all screamed our loudest! I even clapped...and when we finished screaming for her, I found I was alone in my clapping XD Well...that was the shortest graduation I have ever been to! The speeches were super short and they were quick to call out the names. When it was all done, I was amazed and so excited for Nikki! But man..God sure was with us that day. The cloud cover had started to get worse during the graduation and we could see rain far off. And no kidding, ten minutes after the ceremony was over, it started raining!!! I've never seen so many people run for their cars! It was rather hilarious but I was running too so I could keep up with my mom x3 In the end, it was great! And I have a severe sunburn on my back from that day! It hurts real bad, but Miss Aloe Vera can take care of that ;D
On this trip, I feel like I've definitely gotten closer to Nikki. Not only to Nikki, but to everyone else. Rob actually held good conversations with me o.o and he taught me how to shoot some basketballs! It worked for a while...but not so much XD I had a little convo with Jordan. He is SUCH a sweet boy! So sweet and polite. He has a wonderful, kind heart and I enjoy his company very much. I got to talk to Michael and discuss some important topics. I liked that. He's a really sweet guy too and I hope he gets to come down here for the summer next month. And D'Angelo will always be the cutest little boy in the world!
When we left Nikki's house yesterday, I almost cried in the car. I hate leaving...so much. I love everyone there so much! I wish I could see them all more... But hey, as a little surprise, Nikki and her mother stopped by suddenly at Rob's house (where we were staying for the night) and I got to hang out with Nikki for a little while longer...I loved it. I love them.
And now I'm back to the beginning of where this long post started. It seems the beginning is an end. And I'm perfectly fine with that. I was going to watch Pathfinder tonight, but I might hold off on that. I'm tired...another day and another time, for sure.
Dear Chicago,
I love the people that you hold.
*~[Endlessly]~*
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Last Day
Today is my last day in Chicago...and it's very saddening. I had to say goodbye to some cousins that I am VERY close to and I almost cried...I usually do, but I wasn't alone so I couldn't. But I probably will tomorrow when we leave for the airport...that's what usually happens.
I love everyone here so much and it sucks that I don't get to see them but once, maybe twice a year (three times if we're REALLY lucky). It always hurts to leave...it sucks. But we came down here for a damn good reason. Which I'll write about later. For now, I'm just updating my blog cause I'm kind of bored and little hungry.
But my next post is definitely going to be about what we did here in Chicago on a daily basis and how amazing it has been! Granted, I'm kind of excited to go home. I miss my dad, friends, and animals. But still...
As soon as I get home though, I need to start filling out applications and sending them into places and such. I need a job...
Buuuuuut...I'm going to make this really short. And hopefully find some food.
*~[Endlessly]~*
I love everyone here so much and it sucks that I don't get to see them but once, maybe twice a year (three times if we're REALLY lucky). It always hurts to leave...it sucks. But we came down here for a damn good reason. Which I'll write about later. For now, I'm just updating my blog cause I'm kind of bored and little hungry.
But my next post is definitely going to be about what we did here in Chicago on a daily basis and how amazing it has been! Granted, I'm kind of excited to go home. I miss my dad, friends, and animals. But still...
As soon as I get home though, I need to start filling out applications and sending them into places and such. I need a job...
Buuuuuut...I'm going to make this really short. And hopefully find some food.
*~[Endlessly]~*
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
C.H.I.C.A.G.O.
Ah...Chicago...how I love that city... I don't love it for the city itself though, but for the people who live there ;D
I have visited Chicago for about...sixteen or seventeen consecutive years and let me tell you...each visit has been the highlight of my life! I have amazing family in those parts and I love them so much! The cousins that I grew up with over there...gah, I cherish them so deeply within my heart...everytime we leave to come back for Texas (or vise versa when they leave back for Chicago after visiting) I cry...I cry like a baby. This time, I will be crying while I'm STILL there, though. My cousin, one who I've known since pretty much birth, is graduating from highschool...I'm going to cry so bad >_< but she is so excited! So yay! And I cannot wait to see them all!
Me and my mother shall be hopping on a plane tomorrow at some point (I never find out the time till last second xD) and I CANNOT wait!!! Till then, I must pack...and pack and pack. And hang out with my best friend =) She says she's sad and happy that I get to go and we're just going to enjoy the day together till I get back.
On other news...I started Eclipse the other day (for the second time) and wow...I have forgotten so much in this book! Like....EVERYTHING! No kidding, each page I turn I'm like 'o.o WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?!' But...I'm still loving it! So much, that I think when I'm done with this blog entry, I'm going to pick it up again till my grandma arrives here so I can visit with her.
Till next time!
*~[Endlessly]~*
((Yes Soble...your heart speaks the loudest out of them all...))
I have visited Chicago for about...sixteen or seventeen consecutive years and let me tell you...each visit has been the highlight of my life! I have amazing family in those parts and I love them so much! The cousins that I grew up with over there...gah, I cherish them so deeply within my heart...everytime we leave to come back for Texas (or vise versa when they leave back for Chicago after visiting) I cry...I cry like a baby. This time, I will be crying while I'm STILL there, though. My cousin, one who I've known since pretty much birth, is graduating from highschool...I'm going to cry so bad >_< but she is so excited! So yay! And I cannot wait to see them all!
Me and my mother shall be hopping on a plane tomorrow at some point (I never find out the time till last second xD) and I CANNOT wait!!! Till then, I must pack...and pack and pack. And hang out with my best friend =) She says she's sad and happy that I get to go and we're just going to enjoy the day together till I get back.
On other news...I started Eclipse the other day (for the second time) and wow...I have forgotten so much in this book! Like....EVERYTHING! No kidding, each page I turn I'm like 'o.o WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?!' But...I'm still loving it! So much, that I think when I'm done with this blog entry, I'm going to pick it up again till my grandma arrives here so I can visit with her.
Till next time!
*~[Endlessly]~*
((Yes Soble...your heart speaks the loudest out of them all...))
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