If You See a Psychopath Out In The Street...It Might Be Me

I started my fourth semester at my college today and...it was just like it has always been. In other words...I LOVED IT! I am lovey dovey in love with it!

*Kills the sissy girly-girl in me.* Uh...*cough* You didn't see her...you didn't see anything..she doesn't exist >..> .... what?

Anyways....

While I was sitting in my Anatomy & Physiology II class, we (the students) had a long moment to talk amonst ourselves as our professor was getting things in order. Here's how the conversation went between me and two of my friends.

ME: I know what I'm doing my informative speech over already.
TAYLOR: Oh. What are you doing it on?
ME: I'll inform people about psychopaths *smiles*.
STEPHANIE: ...Psychopaths? Like...how to identify them?
ME: No, just about them. How their brains are literally structured differently and they can't help killing people.
TAYLOR: *Stares at me.*
STEPHANIE: *Stares at well.*
ME:...What? I'm not vouching for them or anything!

People already think I'm strange enough. Actually, it was this morning that I asked Taylor if he saw my facebook status and he said "No...I try to ignore yours 'cause they don't make any sense."

...Well, thanks.

But really, my status's are random and weird. And in some of them, I'm talking to the characters in my head...so yeah. Let your imagination work around that one.

And then, I remember talking to Taylor in class about guns and asking him which ones killed people faster and better. Then I had to look around the class to see who was and wasn't listening and gurantee them I wasn't going to be on a killing spree any time soon.

Another instance is when I was in my English Comp. II class and our teacher had us introduce ourselves to the class and say something interesting. I was either going for the sympathy card (my celiac disease) or the weird card. I went with the weird and told the entire class I had throwing knives and enjoyed practicing with them.

. . .

You think something is wrong wth me as well, don't you?

Don't lie.

I'll sick the voice in my head after you for bloo--

...Maybe I should kill the voilent side of me as well...? No...I like him. A lot. And I have uses for him. heheheheheHEHEHMUWAHAHAHAHAHA...

Till next time :)

My brain is literally filled to capacity with anatomy and government and english...

It honestly feels like I have an obnoxiously amount of information pounded in there...I have this absurd idea that if I shake my head, I'll feel all of it slosh around.

And for some reason I have a physical need to bang my head against a wall... >.o

And THEN I have this idea that if I do so, instead of blood, anatomy facts will come spilling out.

Ever felt like that?

Anyways...

I'll stay away from walls and instead crawl into my bed and snuggle into my pillows...

Boring And Random

DISTRAUGHT NEWS!!
I am...becoming...a day child...

Isn't that horrific?! The sun that I used to be terrified of is...now my friend.

Maybe I'm sick? The flu? But a backwards flu that leads me out of the dark corners of my room and into my sunlit dining room. Crazy, huh? I realized this when my dad came home to find me hunkered down at the dining table with college books opened all around me and staring studiously at the algebra paper before me... He asked why I wasn't in my room (am I confined there now?) and I told him that I liked it out in the open...I can't believe I even said that! But...I'm happy. I need to start spending more time out in the open. In the world that's full of chaos and love...yeah.

Anyways, I'm pretty much a day child now. My night life is almost dead. I used to be a nightowl (like every other teen), and then college happened. Scheduling happened. Homework happened. To put it more simply: LIFE happened.

I honestly thought this post was going to be more interesting...but I just don't have it in me tonight. I have a craving for sweets....BRING ON THE CHOCOLATE!

"There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls." - George Carlin

Cakes These Days...Too Bad It's Hard For A Lot Of Us To Enjoy Them

Everyone likes showers, right? Parties, gifts, cake, actual human contact; you know, the whole shindig. Well...I'm not too much of a fan, sadly. I'm not a party person unless it's just the family meeting up at my grandmother's for something. Besides that, I'd rather take a rain check but I don't because of the fear of meeting haughty and irritated eyes of those who I disappointed.

Showers are especially hard to avoid when they are being hosted at your house. Oh, the joys of having a new remodeled home with a backyard that is ever changing and ever beautiful. I'm not bragging... Seriously.

I was non-responsive with the shower in the beginning. I helped my mother and tried to arrange things, etc., but my real interest finally spiked when the cake arrived...

You know those cake shows that people either watch out of boredom or when they find the channel by accident and still stick to it like sweaty fondant? It's it amazing (and rarely horrific) the kind of cakes they mold and make from scratch?! It's so amazing! And the cake that was at the bridal shower today looked like one off one of those TV shows...




Yes! Look at that beauty!! The inside was three layers of strawberry cake with cheesecake icing filling! I heard it was marvelous, but I was not able to try it myself.

I'll explain that next time...

But the shower was good. I'm just ready for a relaxing night of...nothing. I tried relaxing with anatomy notes, but that just wasn't cutting it.

"Cake: made of sugar, spice, and everything nice! All it's missing is Chemical X..."

The Actions In The World Are Just One Huge Cluster

You know those days that are just weird and hectic? I definitely had one of those that started last night and finally ended today...I hope. I've still got a few hours to stay cautious, I guess. Don't want to kill a moth (my equivalent to a night version of a butterfly...but much more creepy) cause it might have the same effect of having the world crash into chaos.

After having a wonderful dinner that my mother prepared (taco salad), we started to clean up the kitchen when our bellies were full and our minds were still going over the events that happened in I Love You, Man. This is the beginning of chaos that happened in simpler terms:
Poured rice down the drain.
Rice expanded in the drain.
Drain is then clogged and taken apart...carefully.
Pipe breaks loose to unleash tepid, gray water and rice all over the inside of the cabinet and floor.
It looked (and smelled) like a vomit parade.

After vain attempts to try and fix this problem, it is finally realized that an important piece is broken...and must wait until the next day to be fixed. I was happy to wake up this morning and find that it was as dandy as it had been before it was poisoned with rice. I think my family and I learned a valuable lesson last night...

Today was crazy as well. A surprise birthday party was planned for my grandmother who will be turning 81 next month, and everything went awry. My aunt had just picked up the cake from an Albertson's and was taking a left as the green arrow on the light was telling her to do, when a large pickup ignored his red light, sped up trying to beat her, and ended up t-boning her. When the damage was done, my aunt promptly got out of the car and shouted, "YOU JUST RAN THAT RED LIGHT!" And the man replied: "I know, I know. Please stop yelling and calm down."

The first thing she did was call my mother in hopes of getting a hold of my father (the owner of a body shop) so we could come pick her up and help her with the situation. Don't you love it when men go missing at the most inappropriate times? My mother was flying through the house like a banshee, yelling his name (btw, my aunt was perfectly fine, just angry) and then zeroed in on me. Fight or Flight kicked in (really Fight no longer exists; I think I was made without that particular button) and I fled to the backyard where I knew I would find him. And lo and behold, there he was.

We found my aunt, stayed with her for about an hour and took her to get a rental. I rode with her, not wanting her to be nervous on the road alone.

MEANWHILE BACK AT MY GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE:
The time set to meet was at 3:45. Everyone showed up except my family, my aunt, and myself since we were dealing with all the car crap. My grandmother was very confused. The entire family at her house for what they claimed was "just a visit"? Impossible! She was getting suspicious and worried, wondering "why all these people were at the house and not leaving", quoting from her (I swear she loves us!).

Finally, my aunt called her, gave the surprise away, assured her that she was fine, and begged them to eat the cake that my cousin took from the wrecked car and over to grandma's house.

In the end, we made it to the party. Had a good time for at least thirty minutes, then had to leave because my parents had a class reunion to attend.

So, today was weird (which I found out this past week was spelled 'wyrd' in the old english times and it meant 'fate'). But I'm glad I got to see the family.

“It turns out that an eerie type of chaos can lurk just behind a facade of order - and yet, deep inside the chaos lurks an even eerier type of order.”
--Douglas Hostadter

Just Now Realizing

It sucks when family members of the same family just aren't there for each other.

Everyone has seen those family films where the family is just so together and there for each and every member. So compassionate and willing and loving. Sure, in most of these films a problem will arise but it is almost always fixed in the end. It's situations like those that I wish how all families could be.

I'm not saying that I have an AWFUL family or anything. Really, quite the opposite. I've been blessed with a great family, but I am now realizing (for the first time) that there is so much unnecessary hostility from certain people. Hostility of such a degree that I have no idea where it even originated from or why. There is no reason for it. These people have done nothing to them except grow up beside them when they were in the states, shown up for every party, attended family activities and so on and so forth. When I look back, I see that the hostility has been there for quite a while.

One person in particular holds a grudge and it breaks my heart. I hear a lot of our family talking about one another and I just want to yell at them and tell them to stop because it is not their place. We should not be this way. We should be united as one as a family should be.

And then I heard another talk about one of our cousins in such a harsh, uncaring manner. I was shocked to hear her. She puts on some pretty good masks apparently. I think she could sense how uncomfortable I was because she looked at me, laughed and said "Really, it's funny." I wanted to tell her, "No, really it's not." But held my tongue. I would have been attacked by two vessels and what good would that do? It'd get me nowhere except further away from them.

I love each and every one of my family members so much. None less, none more. They all hold a special place in my heart. Maybe one day this can be fixed. Maybe not. Time will tell. And till then...I'll just pray about it.

*~[Endlessly]~*

Decisions, Decisions...

I remember in my last English class, we studied plot. Plot and characters. It interested me a lot. And today, I'm reminded about 'dilemmas'. Here's a rough definition that my professor gave us for that word (the parts that I can remember): The protagonist is forced to make a decision between two choices, neither of them desirable. Yeah...I'm in a dilemma.

Two choices lie before me. Both of them, if I could do each, would make me happy. But life is hardly that simple. I have to choose one thing to do. And in return, I'll feel guilty about the other choice.

You see, I made plans. Plans that are at least a month old. But a train derailed (figuratively speaking) and now I'm in a mess. It couldn't be helped though, nothing could have stopped this from happening.

But...I have two great friends who in end helped my decision. One of them had me think of each thing and I actually cried over one. He told me, quite plainly, "I think you've already made your decision." And my other friend, God bless her, told me that everyone would understand and that it was fine; I just needed to make the decision for myself. Better said than done, my dear.

But I did it. Made my decision. I feel bad, but it also feels like a weight has been lifted...kind of.

I just might cry over not being able to see my friends. But really, it's for a different reason than that. I don't want her to be mad or frustrated at me. When will this fear go away...?

*~[Endlessly]~*